This was a big week for me. I had a panel group interview at a local college in hopes to get accepted into their Master’s of Clinical Counseling program. It was much different than I thought it would be…in a good way. As the eight of us took seats in a circle, a Graduate Assistant began to ask us questions. The first question was, ” What type of person are you drawn towards?” ….
Immediately, my mind put a spot light on “the girl in the corner.”
As I sit here and write this, I’m crying. You’re probably wondering why I would be drawn to this girl…she excludes herself, she isn’t joyful, she’d weigh down a light-hearted girls night out, and if I wasn’t looking…I wouldn’t even notice her.
Why then, would I be drawn to her?
Because I was her.
And if I allow it, she comes knocking back on my door, wanting to push me into the corner again.
Ladies, believe me when I tell you this. During middle school, I was picked on, made fun of, lied to, tormented, and was always the last to be chosen in gym class. I was the girl that boys would “ask out” in order to dump the next second to see my cry. I had little confidence, a flat chest, frizzy hair, and a big nose. I was labeled “prude”, a cry baby, and told I wasn’t any fun. For those of you who went to school with me, you may not remember this time of my life, but I sure do.
I remember talking to God (who I knew very little about at the time) and asking him “Lord, if you could make me prettier, more outgoing, maybe a cheerleader… or just someone more than I am already, I promise to remember what it’s like to feel this way and do something good with it.”
As I entered High School things did start to change and I became friends with the “popular” crowd. And although I was considered this, I felt very much a part of the outer circle of this group. It wasn’t necessarily their fault at all- I just didn’t really feel like I “fit in” anywhere, to be honest. I had a few very close friends who were (and are) still so dear to me, but I don’t think even they knew how I felt . I did a good job pretending to fit in. Even when I got voted onto “Prom Court”, I remembered standing there wondering if people would start to “boo” at me when I stood up there with my bouquet of flowers.
About my talk with God.
I think God may have taken me up on my offer as a child. He didn’t really make me what I wanted…He made me who HE wanted. He didn’t give me a perfect life-he gave me a broken life, in order for His light to shine through.
Thank God, because it’s hard to tell what kind of person I would have been on my own.
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, caking in nothing.” – James 1:2-4
About my promise….
So, I got accepted into the program.